Sick but happy.

I have a chest infection.
I have my period.
I haven't slept properly the last few nights.
I have a headache that won't shift.
I can't get my head round work.

But I'm surprisingly not too stressed.

A little grumpy yes. And definitly irritable. But not too stressed.

This time last year I would've been freaking. I like that I'm calmer these days.

I spent this afternoon working on the proposal for the piece of work that I wanted to create with Rob. He agreed to it the other day. Surprised me on the bus by being like so you know that idea you had... I'm excited and really hope that we manage to get a residency to explore it.

I also had a really good masterclass with the nts yesterday. It was on contemporary theatre practice which is something thats really interesting me at the moment. And its something that I feel I have the ability and confidence to do. This time last year or even a few months ago I don't know if I could have. Its funny how life and circumstances impacts on your confidence and self esteem.

Part of me almost wants to go and do some study again. Or at least have longer in the workshops and skill ups that I've been doing. I've been getting so much out of them, I'm enjoying learning and feel that its reaffirming my own practice. I want more workshops, maybe one a week please?

I'm excited to see whats next....

H x

Definitly not smelling of pee...

Today I was standing at the bus stop when this auld boy came up and started singing All the Single Ladies to all the auld dears at the bus stop. Legend. Bet he was well smooth in his day. Actually I reckon he's still got it.

I want to be proper crazy when I'm old. Or maybe not crazy in my own head but able to get away with lots of eccentric behaviour. I reckon I'll still be wearing faux fur and sequins and hangin out with my gays. Maybe I'll run some sort of gay tea dance that plays Lady Gaga.

I love when people know that because they are old or mentally ill that crazy behaviour is expected of them. So they're like fuck it better live up to the expectations. There was this woman who was in hospital with my Mum years ago who used to go down to Iceland everyday and eat packets of ham and take the lids of tubs of icecream and lick the icecream. Iceland would have to call the Royal Ed and be like Luna's back, goin come get her, she's lickin the icecream again! I loved her. Definitly reckon she knew what she was up to.

And I really like that lady who drinks in the port who used to dance at the bus stop and would shout 'phone cunt!' at me whenever she saw me on my mobile. And Cowboy Joe 'bang bang money for the whiskey', white face lady and hiyaaaa whats your name girl. Leith has loads of good crazies and I reckon thats what makes it such a fantastic place to live. Its a real community place and we're pretty protective of our crazies, theres facebook sites dedicated to cowboy joe and people get generally worried if they've not seen him out for a while.

So I guess my point is that in my book eccentric behaviour makes you lovable and definitly more interesting. But only genuinly cool eccentric behaviour not hideous, high school drama teacher eccentric. And I think to be genuinly cool eccentric you have to be age 60+. I can't fucking wait!

So who's up for licking some icecream tubs?

H x

Worried about Lorraine

I saw a top tip on Lorraine Kelly this morning.

Now to give you some background I adore Lorraine Kelly. I have her autobiography and her self help book. I like her because she is proper scottish, doesn't have any pretensions just cos she's 'off the telly' and once spent an entire live interview with Will Young planning a night out with him. I even tuned into River City to see her stealing half of a wedding buffet by slipping it into her handbag.

However I fear this love affair may be on shakey ground..

A viewer wrote in to say that they have trouble keeping slingback shoes on their feet. Mark Hayes fashion 'experts' tip was to use CLEAR BRA STRAPS to keep them on! I am outraged.

1, Clear bra straps are not invisible, everyone can see them and if they are a normal, fashion conscious person they'll be laughing at you for wearing them

and

2, as my friend Katie pointed out nobody should be wearing slingbacks anyway.

How he calls himself a fashion expert I'll never know But how can Lorraine smile and agree with him that this is infact the best solution to the problem? Lorraine I'm disapointed. Surely the sensible option would be to invite this poor, deluded slingback wearing woman onto the show and give her a makeover?

Please Lorraine, have a word. And tell Mark to get out of Primark, the polyester fumes are obviously effecting his brain.*

*I'd like to say that I normally quite like Mark and I'm not a snob I just really hate clear bra straps.

H x

Blaaaaaa

Why do mens brains work so differently from ours?

FRUSTRATED!

And what makes it worse is he's gay so I don't even get sex as a consolation prize for his annoying male behaviour.

As my friend Gilly would say 'Selfish. Man. Dick. Need minstrels.'

H x

Scared to create. Terrified not to.

I have in my mind a piece of theatre I want to create. I would like to work with a good friend of mine to explore his reactions to grief and his relationship with his lost one. He is a dancer and choreographer and I reckon that together we could create a beautiful piece of verbatim dance theatre.

He had a wonderful relationship with his Grandmother and when he talks of her his face lights up and theres something in him thats hard to describe. Its something old or ageless or... its not often I struggle to describe something but I am now. I guess you just have to see it and that is why I want to put it on the stage, or in a studio, or to bring an audience into her living room.

He's scared tho. I'm scared too.

He is scared of opening up and his feelings tumbling out and never stopping. He's scared of feeling too much. Of being too upset.

I'm scared of not doing his story justice. Of being judged. Of failing.

He's scared to express. I'm scared about what'll happen if he doesn't one day.

We really need to get over these fears, stop eating cake and book a studio.

I don't know how to broach it with him tho. I asked him before and he said he wasn't ready. I think if I don't push him he'll never be ready. I know I must respect him and wait. Its hard, I'm not a patient person.

Is it wrong to send him this blog?

Where are they now?

Today its all about jumpers and couches....

I was at my first masterclass for the NTS exchange project today. It was exploring techniques for devising theatre and was led by Vicky Featherstone, the artistic director of NTS. I got a lot out of it and as always was amazed at the Electric Kids and how they're not afraid to put themselves out there. They're also not afraid to dislike something and are quite vocal about it which quite often gets them in trouble. I encourage it though. I think its important to be honest.

At one point today we had to work in small groups to devise an exercise that devised theatre could be created from. We created an exercise where the participants were lost objects desperate to get down the back of the couch to the lost object institution. But first they had to be interviewed by the couches receptionists who decided whether they could enter or not. Participants could be objects, x factor rejects, thoughts, anything they wanted. It resulted in the most fabulously, ridiculously fun exercise. I loved it! I'll definitly be visiting the couch soon...

I've been lovin jumpers today. I had my stag one on, Chloe had a panda one, there was a girl with a really good one from the jewish market. Its a good word, the more you say it the funnier it gets. Or it did for us today. Jumper jumper jumper.... couch!

H x

One year on...

Oooh look I have a blog that I totally forgot about!

Its weird to think that I was writing this blog at a really difficult point in my life. Its a year since it all started and I like to think that I'm a very different girl from the one who first started this blog. I love that I knew I needed to find a way of making myself feel better so I prescribed myself a gay club! In all seriousness partying at difficult points in your life can be dangerous for some people but I guess for me it was the distraction I needed.

So a year on I'm definitly happier, confident, have a lot of new friends and a lot less potatoes. I'm beginning to think of myself as an artist again and when people ask me to describe my art I say I create theatre with real people. I feel so passionate about verbatim theatre and I am happy to take little steps into creating this work. I'm definitly not into making a big explosion with my work, its not to say that I'm not confident about what I do but I really dislike a lot of the arrogant theatre makers that are about just now. I get myself into trouble by not bowing down to the right people or not joining the right cliques but its really not what its about for me. Saying all that I do network, honest. I just don't do the holidays with the very incestuous group that I shouldn't really name here.

*I just read that last paragraph back and thinking about it they're not even necessary the 'right' people. They're certainly not right for me.

My friend Katie has been blogging which I guess is what reminded me of this wee effort. I was so proud when I read her blog, she has grown into a lovely, very witty writer. I don't pretend to be an expert on writing but I know what I like and I like Katie's blog. She's moved to London and I think reading her blog once in a while will give me the dose of her that I need every so often.
I've watched Katie grow up over the six years we've been friends, she's been through some of the most challenging life situations and is still always very positive. Its something I decided I needed to learn from her. I think to live like Katie Starlight is no bad thing...

I think a big influence on the carefree H was camp this summer. There were aspects that definitly stressed me and there were times I hated it but 3 months of no responsibilities was a first for me and I loved it! I liked that I lost the ability to make decisions. If you know me you'll know that this is a very strange thing for me to say. The biggest decision you ever had to make was icecream or cake? My room mate and I normally did both, you know just to be on the safe side. There was even the famous four cake day that caused a facebook outrage amongst my family.

So theatre, cake, camp and dancing... I'm happy.

H x

Mouse Alert.

Not blogged for ages. There was a mouse in my flat so I had to move. It was all very traumatic.
And now I'm a serious victim of the credit crunch. Actually I'm not. I'm just a serious victim of having no job. I've signed on, for the first time in my life and I hate it. Didn't get off to the best start, was running late so I got a taxi to the job centre. Had to get it to drop me around the corner, doesn't look so good getting a taxi to sign on.

But things are getting better. I have an interview for a contract that I really want. Don't want to say to much about it incase I jinx it. I also have some taster sessions in the pipeline and I'm going to work at a performing arts camp in connecticut over the summer. So things are definitly getting there.

And I'm writing proposals. Not done it for ages but hoping someone will pick it up and think thats what we want. So keep your fingers crossed for creative electric.

I joined twitter. Not sure about it yet. Think its only going to be fun if loads of people you know twitter too. But I liked the story about Philip Schofield thinking he broke twitter. I liked Philip Schofield skiving work cos of the snow as well. Actually I really like Philip Schofield, I just wish he wasn't so orange. Orange skin and grey hair don't work. Sorry Philip.

Maybe I'll blog again later. I like blogging. Blogging and Philip Schofield.

H x

New Years Resolutions.

A little late but I've had them in my head.

1, to stop getting take aways. Even tho dominoes put a really good flyer through my door this morning.

2, to be more organised with food so that theres enough in the house for breakfast, lunch and tea everyday. So that 1 I don't think that 3 packs of crisps and a wispa is an acceptable tea and two I don't break resolution number 1.

3, to make soup again. Regularly. I like making soup, it gives me a sense of achievement. I just don't like cleaning it up afterwards.

4, to go with my instincts. I should write a blog about this later.

5, to walk more, taxi less.

6, to not feel that I need to buy something everytime I go into topshop. And to definitly not feel upset when I don't. Actually maybe I shouldn't shop every week.

7, to stay patient with my mum. Sometimes I get frustrated with her and then upset with myself. So patience will stop that.

8, to have more fun and not feel that I should start growing up. I'm 27, plenty of time for that later...

H x