Step one in reclaiming the crown.

In the aim to reclaim my crown I took a job at a local club. Just a few hours a week and from what I can gather it basically involves drinking. Excellent, I'm almost overqualified.
In all seriousness, I go round the local gay bars with two of the boys, chatting to people and recommending they come to our club. Lots of the bars give us cheap drinks and some give us them for free. Sometimes we dance. Sometimes we sing kareoke. And sometimes it all goes wrong.
Like the night when the manager of the 'desert' bar gave the boys free aftershock all night so when I met them back at the club they were an hour late, hadn't handed out any free passes and were struggling to speak.
Or the night when 'Carmel' got so smashed when selling shots that he stripped off, started dancing and forgot where he left the money.
Or the night when there was a mass brawl at the 'desert' bar that ended in a lesbian being fired through the window! Altho I was told this was a standard night there. Did anyone hear about the night when some mad bitch turned up with a machete?!
Or the night when I sent this text...

Omg most mental night at *** yet-got in a fight with T**** *****, got wrecked, introduce man looking for ching to off duty policeman, bouncers get attacked twice, fire alarm goes off so we all have to evacuate, I am so drunk that the fire engine door nearly hits me on the head but I get rescued by lovely, get in a fight with a lesbian who chucks a drink down me so I smack her & then she apologises & buys me drinks,I win ALL the furburger prizes for best dressed including the lesbian christmas tree, I drink too many shots and have now been sitting on the toilet for 20 mins trying to write this text! Love u xxx

Oh dear.

I love my new job! Its nice to have no responsabilities for a while. Although I promise this isn't forever.

H x

So here it is... MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Christmas highlights:

Dancing in cc's til 4.30am when I only went out for a quiet drink.

Having the girls round for cocktails.

Watching the babies eating wrapping paper instead of opening their presents!

Having five christmas tree's in the flat, one of them is a lesbian. I'm all about equality for christmas trees.

Winning the christmas quiz by half a point- 'get it up yae!'

Presents Presents Presents!

Profiteroles.

Christmas soaps. I'm talking eastenders not bodyshop.

Lindt chocolate in every shape and form. Santa? Check. Snowman? Check. Reindeer? Check. Bell? Check.

Waking up still hammered and singing christmas songs in bed, to myself. 'We wish you a merry christmas...'

Buying three party dresses from urban outfitters. All of them black. You know just incase.

Christmas Lowlights:

Hangovers

People who want to argue when drunk. Its christmas, leave your shit at the door.

No-one getting their christmas cards cos Jessops didn't deliver the photos in time.

Christmas flu. Clearly brought on by too much wine and not enough sleep.

Lack of christmas films. Its christmas, I have flu, I want to watch shit on tv and eat chocolate. Is that really too much to ask?!

Amy not being Seans baby, in eastenders of course. I'm gutted, he was trying so hard and being so lovely and its all gone wrong. I know its not real but my god I LOVE eastenders!


I heart christmas!

H x

Charlie

My godsons in hospital. He's only 8 months. I don't like it.

Sending lots of love...

H x

Strollin' like a Santa.

Yesterday L Dawg and I took part in the Santa Stroll around the city to raise funds for local childrens charities. I have to say we were totally unprepared, our training involved getting to bed at 4am the night before and then spending the morning working out which low cut top would look best under the santa suit. Standard behaviour for LDawg and Hboss. We blagged some sponsership from friends, all of whom asked how far we'd be walking? The response-no idea but we get to wear santa suits and get pissed at the end!

So we arrived, paid our registration fee, donned our santa suits and joined the hundreds of other santas. I have to say it has to be one of the most surreal experiences of my life. Looking around and seeing so many other santas in different shapes and forms-fat santa, thin santa, wheelchair santa, snogging santas, dog santa, toddler santa and really annoying aerobic instructor santa! Amazing!

Still with no idea how far we were meant to be walking L Dawg and I set off, determined to keep up a brisk pace while constantly pulling up our one size fits all santa trousers. LDawg ripped her trousers at the crotch. I contemplated flashing for the paparazzi. We waved at the trains that went past. Joined in the mexican wave. Sang jingle bells. Laughed at the girl who was spewing and couldn't hack it. And suddenly it was over. LDawg and I completed the santa stroll in 30 mins and congratulating ourselves on how superfit we were we headed straight to the pub.

On contemplation it was a walk for kids. But shhhh we loved it!

H x

Scene Queen: The adventure starts.

So 3 months ago I was in a job that I should've loved but everything about it depressed and stressed. The journey in, the awful admin bitches who struggled to spell their own names never mind send out contracts, the psychotic boss, the bitching, the lack of finance to create really exciting projects, the constant bitching by everyone who hated their jobs but wouldn't do anything about it.

After the most horrendous 'emergency' meeting with de burg the psycho boss I thought FUCK IT! Wrote my resignation and walked out.
And thats when my adventure started...

I decided to tackle some of the things I wanted to do before I hit 30 or some of the things I felt I should've done before I got tangled up in the career blaaaaaa....

Things to do before 30 or the 27 yr olds party hit list!

First & most importantly I want to reclaim my crown as the scene queen. Gay scene queen. As I'm constantly told gay men love me. Or I should've been a gay man. I just have a passion for hot boys, cheap drinks, bitches and the most ridiculously trashy soundtrack.

To rediscover my creativity. Deburg tried to suck it out of me but I know its in there somewhere.

To run my own club night. I'm thinking camp electro. I'm thinking kitsch. I'm thinking burlesque with a twist.

Photography. I want to perfect the art of the photograph. While I have perfected the art of the drunken photograph many do not recognise my artform. So I want to learn and photograph and learn and photograph some more.

To work in america for a little while at least. Last year I applied to study in New York. It didn't work out. I think it was my way of looking for an escape route from my awful job and awful breakup. However I do still want to go over.

To stand up for myself, without feeling guilty about it afterwards.

To reconnect with friends lost.

Theres probably more. I don't know, to find love? Find the perfect pair of heels that don't kill my feet. To learn to like more foods. To learn to enjoy cleaning (does anyone?) so that I do it regularly. To LTT a little more often...

So the adventure starts. I have no job and the prospect of having no money scares the shit out of me. But the idea of the new excites me. Even if I will have to give up my topshop habit. Fuck I'm probably going to have to start shoplifting.

H x